The Next Big Thing Blog Hop
I am interrupting the regularly scheduled blog to participate in a “blog tour”. So guess what? You’ll get two blogs today. Enjoy!
This “tour” is similar to a chain letter (gasp!) for those who like to know more about the behind-the-scenes details of a book. Julie Carobini answered questions about her book last week, and today it’s my turn.
I hope you enjoy this little holiday distraction. And next week? Four of my writer friends will share about their books on Wednesday, December 17th. (I’ll provide you links.)
Here’s the scoop:
What is/was the working title of your book?
We originally titled our book, Countdown for Second-Marriage Couples, but that left out those who have been married more than twice. So the editorial team suggested The ReMarriage Adventure, and we loved it!
Where did the idea come from for the book?
Our first book, Countdown for Couples, focused on first marriages. But because the failure rate for remarriage is even nearly 75 percent, our goal in writing this book was to help lower that rate significantly by preparing couples for the adventure of remarriage.
What genre does your book fall under?
Non-fiction: Marriage
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Remarrying couples are looking for real answers to help them build successful marriages that last a lifetime. This easy-to-use premarital guide will help individuals, couples, pastors, counselors, small groups, or premarital classes prepare for the adventure of remarriage. (Oops, that was two.)
Will your book be self-published, traditionally published, or represented by an agency?
The ReMarriage Adventure was published by Tyndale and Focus on the Family, just like our first book, Countdown for Couples.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
Dale and I had so much fun that it only took about three months to get it done.
What other books would you compare this book to within your genre?
I’m honored that Ron Deal endorsed The ReMarriage Adventure, because it’s sort of a companion to his The Smart Stepfamily. While Ron’s book focuses on the kids, our book is primarily about the remarriage relationship. So between the two, any remarrying couple would find a wealth of information to get their blending family off to a great start.
Who or What inspired you to write this book?
One of the reasons our first marriages failed is that we didn’t have a premarital guide to help us prepare. That inspired us to write our first book, Countdown for Couples, and now our second book, The ReMarriage Adventure. Both of these are, in essence, premarital counseling in a book!
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
The true value of reading The ReMarriage Adventure, is that it’s a roadmap for success. It combines spiritual principles and practical strategies to empower couples to succeed in their remarriage. We concentrate on making a remarriage really strong because marriage is the foundation of the family, and your family can only be as strong and healthy as your relationship as a couple!
Thanks for reading! Next Wednesday, please visit the following writer friends who will share the inside scoop about their own books. Feel free to hop over there now, but don’t worry, I’ll remind you again next week. Thanks!
Blending Family Communication
The challenges of communicating well in a blending family are many. Past hurts, current perceptions, expectations, and fears or frustrations affect communicating well. The adjustment process is a long and winding road, so providing extra measures of patience and kindness help in communicating with kids and stepkids.
Experts suggest that, in the beginning, it’s best to ease your way into parenting a stepchild. Let the biological parent to do the disciplining and encourage the stepparent to be the affirmer, encourager, and builder of the relationship (slowly). When multiple step-siblings are in the home, things can get even more complicated, and it takes special care.
It’s also important to be really cautious about what you say about one another’s children. Affirming your mate as the biological parent is also important because you as a parent often feel vulnerable. In remarriage, there’s more ownership of the biological child’s words and actions, so the biological parent can simply take it more personally.
And in discipline and decision-making regarding the kids, the biological parent should always have the final say. The biological parent may choose to do something differently with her kids than with the stepkids, but she knows her own kids better. So each of you needs to honor the choices your spouse make and yield to the other.
Resolving stepparent/stepchild conflicts and communication issues is definitely a delicate dance. Knowing your role will help you both avoid and resolve conflict that may come with stepchild relationships. Whether it’s conflict over loyalty, resentment, confusion, time demands, duties, or whatever, knowing how to proceed will help you be successful.
What blended-family issues are you the most concerned about? I’d love to know.
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved.
Prepare for ReMarriage
Almost three out of four remarriages fail, but statistics say that couples who participate in premarital education report a 30 percent higher level of overall marital satisfaction and better communication! That means you are greatly increasing your chances for success by preparing for the adventure of a second marriage before you head into it!
While we were dating, Dale and I had driven to Estes Park, Colorado. We sat overlooking the beautiful mountains, sharing our past pain and heartache and asking each other question after question. It was a great place to discuss the possibility of our future together, to explore whether we were ready for a redemptive marriage. We promised to reveal our thoughts, fears, goals, and needs to each other completely before even considering a second marriage.
Every night for several weeks after our time in the mountains, we made lists of things we wanted to know about each other—everything from how we were raised to finances, to roles and goals, to expectations and pet peeves, to sex and health issues, to our previous marriages and our children, to our relationships with God, and so much more. Each question prompted twenty more, and some of the questions were serious, deep, and scary.
Being open and honest made us feel very vulnerable, and we realized this kind of openness could make or break our budding relationship. But we also decided that without complete honesty, we’d be marrying a person we didn’t really know. And while we were in love and wanted to move forward in our relationship, we first needed to know God’s plan for us. So we talked, shared, and completed an 8-week premarital course, working hard to really know all we could. There are a zillion things you should know about one another, so do your homework well.
What was the most interesting question you ever asked your spouse?
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved.
The Adventure of Remarriage
Remarriage is truly an adventure! As on any journey, there are often beautiful moments and wonderful surprises. This has certainly been true for Dale and me. There are times of love and laughter, joy and adventure. But there are also dangers seen and unseen—road bumps, potholes, detours, hazards, and difficulties along the way.
When you’re on a journey, you’ll inevitably learn new things, and hopefully you’ll always continue to grow. You’ll enjoy new experiences, meet interesting people, and encounter new challenges. And when you are blending a family, you’ll experience all of these things—sometimes in just one day!
Dale and I love to experience new adventures. Whether we’re hiking in the Rocky Mountains, scrambling up the famous Dunn’s River waterfall in Jamaica—just as a hurricane hit—or holding a wild baby lion cub in South Africa, we try to enjoy everything our journey has to offer.
That goes for our marriage as well. We enjoy the good times, make great memories, and capture the moments of fun and adventure. But when times get tough, when storms come, or when roadblocks hinder our path, we try to realize that the road bumps and potholes are just part of making an adventure unique. So we work together to overcome each obstacle that attempts to impede our journey.
What challenges have you found to be an adventure? Leave us a comment; we’d love to know.
Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness, by Susan and Dale Mathis. Copyright © 2012, all rights reserved.