Holy Love?

dennis-hallinan-couple-embracing-at-sunsetFor anyone going into a second marriage (or anyone who has been sexually active), it’s wise to view sexual intimacy in your relationship as a place where God can give you a new start. Whether you’ve lost your first marriage to death or divorce, the fear of being intimate again can be overwhelming. Guilt, mistrust, isolation, or even shame can threaten to hinder intimacy. So first make sure you resolve whatever issues you might have with sexual intimacy, whether through prayer, discussion, or counseling, and then make a covenant with your  mate to give this area of your marriage to God. In the power of redemption, even the broken places of your life can be made new.

“The redeeming power of remarriage is so evident to us,” Karen says. “God makes all things new. We don’t concentrate on looking back on the former things; instead, we experience God’s love and grace in our marriage now.”

Sex within marriage should be a reflection of unselfish giving—not unlike the loving relationship Christ has with His church. It’s about care, sacrifice, submission, devotion, tenderness, and respect. Making love is also about fun, pleasure, and enjoyment—and the reality of experiencing true intimacy. Sexual intimacy within marriage is also fulfilling, holy, honorable, healthy, and healing.

“You can make a choice to let your former emotional scars and relationships pull you down and put you in a prison of fear and hate and bitterness,” Karen says, “or you can choose to break those chains and forgive and move on. Paul and I chose to live a rich life free from the past and walk in a way that pleases God.”

“Past baggage may try to haunt us, but we just won’t let it,” Paul says. “Although it’s really hard to forgive my ex for all she put my daughter and me through, I have to choose forgiveness, day by day.”

“My ghosts of fear and poor self-esteem have caused me to want to run,” Karen says. “And I had to admit that to Paul. I just wanted a peaceful, happy, and safe relationship, and I didn’t want to bring my baggage into our marriage.”

“Karen’s fears were intimidating to me,” Paul admits, “but it was worth working with her to overcome those fears. I have never had anybody care for me like she does. In past relationships, it was always about the other person and what she wanted.”

Baggage from a failed marriage—or from losing a spouse to death— can often cause people to have fears and concerns about this intimate part of their lives. If you still suffer the effects of sexual hurts, wounds, rejection, and the like, we suggest seeking professional help to assist you in overcoming them before you remarry.

Have you found redemption in this area of your life? I’d love to know!

Adapted from The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness. Copyright © 2014, all rights reserved.



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